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I've mentioned that I was moving. As of now, that is where you can find me from now on.

It's time to move on.

I'm retiring from this cheesy username (which I liked at one point, and have grown out of).
Away from all of those old depressing posts, which I'd rather not remember...
About 3 years worth of memories, and posts.

Mmkay. Enough rambling.

Yes, sure I feel like shit. Damn cold. But...

I've had one of the best nights that I've had in a long time. I'm sure there are plenty more to come.

Just sitting up, and cam chatting with Daniel. We've been making each other laugh, doodling little pictures, telling various stories, etc. It's pretty cute. *giggles*

I look like a 10 year old on my cam. lol.

I can't imagine how much fun we're going to have, once these next 3-5 weeks roll around.

We're both very excited, that we'll finally get to meet, and see each other after these 3 1/2 years of being friends online.

I love that guy. <3 I hope we're friends for a long time to come.

3 more weeks, until I leave for Australia!! YEAH BABAY!!

First it was MONTHS, now it's only WEEKS. 21 days to be exact. I can't believe it!! It's getting very exciting for the both of us.

Expect pictures, videos, details, and plenty. =) hehe.

A few random tidbits.

- I leave for Australia in 3 weeks.
- I'm currently fighting a cold. It's winning.
- I still went to work... just to "tough it out". Had to whisper to customers, since I have a weak voice -- barely one at all.
- I'm heavily medicated. Squirt some Nasonex up my nose, took a Tylenol PM, and Advil, around... I want to say 5:30pm. I was out like a light by 6, and woke up around 9pm. T'was a nice three hour little snooze. I'm still pretty conjested, and have the urge to blow my nose every 5 minutes. My nose is dripping like a fountain .
- I have the day off tomorrow, so I'm just going to get all the rest that I need.
- I'll probably be up for most of the night now.
- I get a Flu shot soon.
- My period is finally over... I think.
- My parents just bought me about 150 dollars worth of new clothes, yesterday. I'm excited to wear them! They include PJ pants, and a few nice things to "dress up" in. I could live in Burlington Coat Factory. Seriously. I found the same jeans that I got in JcPenney for HALF the price in Burlington! Pft.
- I hate my job. We started taking donations for "Toys For Tots". I've had to ask customers if they're willing to donate. Even though it's for a good cause, I feel bad for asking!
- I leave for Australia in 3 weeks.
- I'm thinking of starting over, and getting a new LJ account. Unsure of a username, however. This one is about 3-4 years old, and contains too many harsh memories. I just want to move away from it, and get a fresh start.
- Oh, did I mention that I'm leaving for Australia in 3 weeks? ;]

I have the new 16gb iPod Touch. Tis sexy. I know you're jealous. =) Mmhmm. T'was expensive. $399.99 out of my pocket. Whoa.

Okay. I'm done bragging. Lol!

Visit Apple.com for more information.

I haven't been feeling too hot over these past few days. I layed around in bed today, until almost 3pm. I woke up feeling even worse.

I've had my period for almost two weeks -- straight. Today, the cramps are horrendous. I can't even move. They're followed by this disgusting nausea. I feel weak, very cold, lightheaded, and miserable.

I've skipped having a period for about 5 or 6 months, straight. Then, I got it again for a day, last month, and it stopped. Recently, it came, and just hasn't left me, yet.

Maybe it's trying to make up for lost time? But, it can't be normal to bleed this heavily for so long.

I see the GYN on the 20th (this Thursday). Finally. I'm iffy. I want to go to find out whats going on inside, but then again, I'm also scared to death of hearing bad news. I'm also afraid that I'll STILL be on my period, and they won't be able to even take me in. Could I still have an "exam" if I'm on my period?

I'm in so much pain, I just want to curl up into a ball and die. =(

As of today. There are only 57 days, until I go down under. Very exciting!!! So much to do.

Daniel and I still think this is all unreal. We've been on MSN talking about everything we're going to be doing, and sharing our excitement. We can't even contain it.

Daniel says:
looking at 57 days omg

Daniel says:
cant believe it

Brandy says:
i know

Brandy says:
:D:D:D

Brandy says:
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Daniel says:
M M M M M M M

Brandy says:
soon that'll be 30 days

Brandy says:
then 20

Brandy says:
10

Brandy says:
5

Brandy says:
2

Brandy says:
1!

Brandy says:
then BAM!

Daniel says:
then GOING TO AUSTRALIA TODAY :D

Brandy says:
YESS

Brandy says:
FLYING THERE :D

I have to start on my speech for Daniel's party. I don't even know what I'm going to say (yet). But, I want to do this, and I want to make it very special. I still have about 2 months to complete this, so I shouldn't be stressing. I only have an outline done, but its nothing worth mentioning. LoL.

It's weird not working. Having all this time at work has been nice, although I've been very bored, and I wish I was getting paid for it. I can't go out, because I'm afraid that I'll start spending money. I'm on a tight budget from now, until I go to Australia, and not working, and stuff just makes it even worse.

Catch ya'll later <3

SPICE GIRLS!!!!

I haven't updated this in ages, as it seems.

A lot has happened, since my last entry, but I can't recall.

Welcomed two new furry little friends into our family, earlier this month. Two kittens, Milo and Rascal.



They're both really sweet, and follow me around everywhere. :) Rascal is about 2-3 months. He’s the ownrey one. A typical little kitten who gets into just about everything. He’s very playful, curious, and mischievous. He’s definitely a little Rascal… hence the name. He has medium-long hair. Milo is about 4-5 months. He’s the shy/mellow one — still coming out of his shell. He loves to cuddle. Just wants to be loved. He’s very sweet. There are plenty of videos on my YouTube for anyone who's interested.

I leave for Australia in exactly two months (from today). And, there is so much I need to do, clothes to buy. I have barely anything to wear, and certainly dont want to resort to wearing only jeans and t-shirts (I don't even have enough of those) I need nice clothes, new underwear, PJ's, shorts, dresses, skirts, galore. There's a lot to prepare. I'm going to be running around like a chicken with its head cut off at the last minute, I know it. I don't wanna let myself go broke neither, yanno?

Speaking of. AAA called, about my flight to Australia. No big deal, really. On November 12th, my departing flight from Philadelphia will be leaving at 4pm, as opposed to 4:35pm, then I’ll be arriving in LA, just a little bit earlier — around 7pm. Now, only if I could depart LA, just a bit earlier, and arrive in Australia sooner. Oh well, can’t complain. At least I’m still going. Not much longer now. ;)

I'm very excited!!

The whole blogosphere has been buzzing about Britney's VMA performance. I was very disappointed. What was all the hype about, really? You can read a more detailed synopsis on my website (those fortunate enough to know the URL).

I've had so much time on my hands lately with hours being cut at work. More time off. Yay!? Well, not really. Not exactly getting paid either. I can't afford this. I need money!!

I spent the morning/afternoon, tinkering around the internet, filing PayPal claims for unauthorized access to my account. I also emailed this “so called” hosting company with information about this claim. An “old friend” of mine has been using my PayPal account without my permission. On September 5th, he withdrawed $120 from my savings account to buy himself hosting. Thanks to this douche bag, I doubt I’ll be able to pay my hosting bill next month. They sure as hell better approve this claim, and refund the money, or else I’ll be steaming. I’ve changed my password, once again. I’m honestly not surprised. There are many reasons why I’m not associated with this person anymore — he’s screwed me and so many others over so many damn times, and lies off his hard ass. Now to find out that he’s done this? Here’s a big FUCK YOU!!! Stay off my shit, and fuck off. Anyone who steals money isn’t a friend in my book. I probably wouldn’t have noticed this, if I didn’t log into my account today to find all of this “suspicious activity”. I’m like, “WTF. I didn’t even withdraw or buy anything for $120.”. When I seen what it was, I just knew it was him. It was just so obvious! I’ll keep y’all updated. Heres a reminder: Change your password often to prevent intruders from using your accounts without consent. I’ll keep you all updated.

I've gotten pretty close to this girl at work, Desiree. She's 19, expecting a baby in December, and just started, a few weeks ago. I added her to MySpace, and we've been exchanging bitch rants about work. It's nice having someone whom you can relate to. I've been kind of her "tutor/mentor" over these past few weeks, trained her, etc. Most of the managers just throw some of these new associates out on the floor without any proper training. She seemed kind of lost, so I jumped in, and we've become pretty good friends in the mean time. We've been ranting about all kinds of things. Such as: Begging people to stay longer, when they don't have enough people working to cover. Other, then myself, she was one of those who was asked if she could stay until close on Sunday. I told them no, but she said yes, because she felt bad. I came home, sent her a message on MySpace, telling her that she shouldn't be afraid to say no. I could tell that she wasn't up to it, but she did, because she was a bit "nervous" about their reactions. This is basically what I said, "Don't let them take advantage of you. I stayed once, and now I'm always one of the first people they depend on. It's not really anyones fault or problem that they can't schedule worth of shit, nor have enough people on the right or wrong days. The nerve of them to ask people if they're willing to stay later. If they wanted you to stay later, they'd schedule you until the time they need". She brought up another very interesting point, how other cashiers enjoy "walking off", just because another cashier steps in, and you're stuck ringing all alone. I've also had this happen to me, plenty of times. Can get pretty annoying. I also shared with her a few warnings, and about my dislike for "Kelsi", the girl who constantly whines, when she doesn't get her way, makes rude comments, gives dirty looks, never smiles, always seems miserable, and is completely lazy. She's one of those who has the managers tied around her fingers, and gets away with anything. There's plenty more.

There will be a time, where you wake up, not feeling well, or not up to going to work. There will be another time, when you're off, but you get called in. One morning, I wasn't feeling well, told my mother that I was going to call it a day, and stay home, "Not a good idea with your dad being out of work. We need the money. Just suck it up, and go in...". I did the exact thing, since I didn't really feel like staying home, and hearing her crap. Saturday, my Mom wasn't scheduled to go into work, but they called her, and said they had a shift available. She passed it up. "Very smart move. Remember Mom, We need the money!".

This is what pisses me off about my Mom. She's so self absorbed, only thinks about herself. She wakes up, lays outside in the sun, goes to work for about 3-4 hrs, does yard work/chores for a few hours, exercises, cooks, then she's "so tired". She just doesn't realize how easy she has it, yet she also brags that she still works harder, then both my dad and I... combined. :rolleyes: Oh please. Anyone would kill for that kind of "leisure life".

Other then that, I haven't been up to much besides work, playing with the kitties, spending some quality time with friends, family, what not. Life is boring grand. :rolleyes:

BTW. My Paid account expired. Can't complain. It was a waste anyway.

Almost September, already?

How time flies. Before we know it, November will be here, and it'll be time to go to Australia.

What's been one of the best years, I've had in quite some time, has turned on to a bumpy, unpaved road, if you know what I mean. I've basically crashed into a wall. These past few weeks have been rough.

Starting with Thursday, August 16th. I was involved in a car accident. Nothing big. I hit some woman on the ass. My fault. I recieved a ticket for "following too closely". There aren't really any tickets on the state of Delaware for this reason. The cop seen it as being a mistake, so he issued the "cheapest ticket". He told me that he felt bad for having to give me one, but he had to. I'm sure he was just saying that to be nice, seeing as I was sitting on the side of the highway, crying like an idiot. This was my first one. It's already been paid, and everythings all worked out.

Basically, I was on my way to work. Coming off the interstate, on to another road. At the end of the exit ramp, there's a red light, indicating that you're allowed to turn on red. I failed to come to a complete stop as I was looking over my shoulder to check for oncoming traffic. I kept moving, and failing to see the car in front of me, I plowed into the back of her car.

Insurance information was exchanged. My insurance paid to fix the damage to her car. However, it was about $130 out of my pocket to fix my car. I had a new bumper put on within 2 days, after it occured. I'm lucky that I hit a nice woman. She was very friendly, gentle, and understanding. Coincidently, she lives in the same neighborhood that I do. :x After it happened, I just sat in the car in shock, crying. Must of apologised to her, a countless number of times. She checked on me to ask if I was okay. It took me forever to get a hold of the 'rents to tell them what had happened. The phone at home was busy, so I had to call my Dad, and tell him to get down there (where I was). Tried calling work -- telling them that I probably wouldn't be in, but... no answer. I ended up going anyway, despite feeling pretty shaken up.

The following Sunday (19th), we had to get our cat, Puffy put to sleep. (Read previous post). Puffy was cremated. His ashes are sitting on top of our fireplace mantle. <3 His soul will be with us forever. However, we've been searching pet ad's, and visiting various animal shelters over these past few days. We might end up getting a kitten, or two. I'll let y'all know how it goes. Expect pictures, when we bring the little guy(s) home. =)

Life just keeps getting better.

I've had a lot going through my mind lately. Life has been busy, full of drama. I don't even know where to start, nor what to think.

I'm just not happy with the person I see, when I look in the mirror. I just don't feel, attractive. Of course, this is coming from someone who's always had self confidence issues.

My eyes. They disgust me. It's pretty sad, when you have to use a lot of make up, just to cover the black circles under my eyes. Even with make up, they can't be hidden. People are always asking me if I'm tired, even when I'm not. I've tried everything to get rid of them, but they're stuck with me.

Not only that, but my right eye has always been droopy. I can't stand it. I wish there was a way to fix it. Unfortunately, cosmetic surgery would probably be the only way to "correct" this. I'm not really feeling up to spending all of this money, but I'd love to look normal. It would help raise my confidence too..

In the Summer of 2003, I had an operation on my jaw, which has left me with a smile that disgusts me. I don't really smile anymore, because I'm embarressed. You see nothing, but my gums. I always find myself covering my mouth a lot, especially when I'm talking, laughing, or smiling. Even when I smile, mostly it's with my mouth closed. I want to have a normal smile again. I almost regret having this surgury in the first place. It was supposed to make me look better, and feel better about myself, but it's gotten worse. Not to mention, braces weren't even worth it for me. I didn't wear my retainer. Not that it manners.

Unfortuately, I'll probably always be like this, and there's nothing I can really do about it. It hurts, knowing that I'll have to live the rest of my life, feeling this way about myself. I feel ugly. I feel like people stare at me. I feel like people judge me, just because I'm not the prettiest girl. I know, I'm not, so stop making it so hard on me. Just get to know me for who I am, not about what I look like.

It's not like I'm a millionaire. If I ever won the lottery, you sure as hell I'd do something about it, and get a tuition to go back to school. That's another one of my dreams.

I want to quit retail all together, and do something I love. I can't stand my job anymore. It sucks waking up, almost everyday, and dreading going to work, because you hate the job.

It also sucks, when you "want something so bad, it hurts".

:'(

This LJ paid account was a waste of money. I bought two months worth. It expires in the beginning of September. I'm putting the rest of my money toward paying off my reseller. Screw the paid account. It's not worth it, since I barely took advantage of it, nor wrote in my LJ as much as I had planned to.

I'm done.

Why do all good things have to come to an end?



Words can't express how I'm feeling right now. My heart is numb. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My little boy is Gone.

A few weeks ago, he was diagnosed with liver disease. He tried to hide the pain. Unfortunately, he lost his battle. :tears2: He was almost 15 -- would of been in November.

He's deteriorated, suffered long enough. It was a miserable day for him, and we couldn't bare to see him like this anymore. He struggled to sleep, couldn't walk without falling over, nor has he been been eating. He was in a lot of pain.

Made a tough decision. This evening, we had him put to sleep. It's what was best for him. We wanted our little boy to "go" pain free. He's now in a better place.

The doctor said that we've done the right thing. His body was beginning to shut down, and we took him just in time. He probably wouldn't of been able to survive through the rest of the night, if we let him go any longer.

At least, I was able to say Goodbye. Would have been terrible to wake up one morning to find him dead. :( I cherished some of our last moments together, cuddled up next to him, pet him, and told him I loved him. Before I knew it, he was taken away.

My Dad and my Aunt took him down to the animal hospital, and came home empty handed. My Mom and I stayed behind. I just couldn't go -- couldn't bare to. It was a very quiet, and sad time.

We're all devastated. You can't help, but become attached to your pets. If you're not the owner of a pet, I'm sure you probably wouldn't understand the "pain".

My parents and I all stood in the kitchen, hugged, and cried together. :( Never really seen my Dad cry (before), until today. He doesn't really show feelings much.

Friday, we're picking up his ashes. His soul will remain with us... forever. We're making a special little "memorial" for him in our family room with some pictures, next to his ashes.

He was a huge part of our family. We'll all miss him.

*tears fall down cheek*

Puffy,
I'll never forget the day that you were brought into my arms.
Almost 15 years ago.
A sweet, innocent, fluffy little kitten, full of mischief.
I'll never forget how you used to purr into my ear.
How you used to suck on hair.
Bat marbles across the kitchen floor.
How you used to "mew", trying to say "Hello".
How you used to run around the house 100mph, and rip the carpets up.
Downright Strange, and Stubborn at times, but...
You were an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, lovable, adorable, cat.
There aren't enough words to explain.

God bless you, Puffy.
You're now in a better place.
Pain free.
You've lived a long, happy life.
You were a part of our family.
We were a part of you.

I find it hard to believe that you're already GONE.
My sweet, little, baby boy.
I love you.
I'll miss you so much.

It's been a rough week. First my car accident, now this. :cry: I'll be around. I just need time to cope. I'm in a lot of emotional pain right now. I feel like a part of my soul has died. I feel lost, confused, and my heart is numb.

Over these past two nights, I've experienced having the same nightmare. Then, something strange happened...

I have a gynecologist appointment on the 20th of September. It's my first. I'm going, due to the fact that I've stopped ovulating, and haven't experienced a "period", since February/March (now August). I'm just going to have a check-up to see what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm having a feeling that it has something to do with either 1) my weight loss, or 2) my medication. NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT. I'm a virgin, unless there's another form of Immaculate Conception? It's not even a possibility.

I keep having these "dreams", relating to it. Where I'm sitting in this room, after having a test, a doctor comes in, and delivers the news that I have some sort of "hormonal defect", where I'll never ovulate again, and I wouldn't ever reproduce, nor be able to have children. Of course, after hearing that, I'm screaming, and crying, not sure what the fuck to tell the "next guy" that comes in my life, nor how to break it the family. Sadly, I'm the next hope to bringing anymore "children" into our family. My cousin Kelly is basically unable to have kids, my cousins don't really seem to have any interest, and I'm the only other girl...

I wake up this morning, and discovered that I had finally started my period. Kind of a relief, right? No, not exactly. After coming home from work, I removed my tampon, only to discover that it was a false alarm, and my period had stopped. I knew something was "off", when I wasn't even having those normal intense cramps, and the typical symptoms of PMS.

I just don't understand what is going wrong with me. No period. Experiencing shortness of breath, dizzy spells, weight loss, weakness, appetite changes, drowsiness (at times), and insomnia (at times).

I'm really starting to deteoriate, and it's scaring the fuck out of me. I told my doctor, and he won't even HELP ME. He didn't seem interested. Listen bitch, if I die, it's your fault!

I also love how things never really seem to go my way.

Justin Timberlake has announced he will tour Australia at the end of the year!

That's right, JT will be bringing sexy back with his 'FutureSex/LoveShow tour for five dates, kicking it off in Brisbane on October 27.

Justin last visited Australia three years ago. This time around he'll be accompanied by an eleven piece band and a team of dancers, performing in the round so there's a 360 degree view of the stage!

Tickets for the show go on sale at 9am Friday August 24 - you don't want to miss this one!

Saturday 27 October - Brisbane Entertainment Centre
Wednesday 31 October - Sydney Acer Arena
Saturday 03 November - Adelaide Entertainment Centre
Monday 05 November - Melbourne Rod Laver Arena
Friday 09 November - Perth Burswood Dome

Why did I post this? Well, I'll be in Australia, but I won't be arriving, until the week after he performs. Sucks, a lot. It's my dream to see this guy perform again, and I was *this* close. He's only hitting a few more states in America, and sadly, he's not coming back to Philly. =( Of course, he hits NYC twice (next week), but he can't even come back to Philly. Justin, I'm terribly disappointed in you!! lol. I could of gone up to NYC to see him if I really wanted to, but I don't have the money to travel up there, it's too short notice to get off work, I don't have anyone to go with, etc.

See what I mean? Nothing ever works out.

Once again, my Mom is having doubts about me going to Australia. lol. I had to sit and listen to her go on about, even after I went to bed last night. Never ends. GET OVER IT WOMAN! I'm 21 for fuck sake, not 10. "I don't want you to stay with strange men..." (in reference to his Dan's dad and brother). Well, hate to break it to her, but what's she going to say when I get married, and move out to live with my husband? Maybe, before, if I get a boyfriend, and I move out to live with him? She says that she'd feel better if I stayed with his Mom. HAHA. OMG. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!?!? At least I have some place to stay. Cheaper then renting a hotel room then two weeks, and being stuck in a room alone all god damn night! I'm simply not even going to discuss this anymore with her. I've got the tickets. It's too late to turn back now. I'm fucking going, staying with ever who the fuck I want, doing what I want. I refuse to be treated like an infant anymore. Even if I have to "lie" about what I'm doing.

Yeah. I just had to fucking rant.

We all learn new things, everyday. Today, I learned that... one shouldn't jump on things so quickly, before at least "looking into it" first.

I (as well as Daniel (sexualdan )) will be "hostless" as of August 24th.

I've been looking into Reseller plans, over these past couple of days. I have this "friend" (Alex) on my MSN list, and the other day, he was advertising reseller plans -- through his display name. It was a great deal. A lot of space, for only $6.99. I decided to message him, getting just a bit more information, asked him a few questions, etc. We made a deal about cpanel transfers, since one company I had seen done them for free. Of course, he talked it over with his staff, and decided to throw it in for free, to keep me as a potential client. I was sold.

After waiting a few days, for PayPal to do it's thing, I went ahead and bought it. I couldn't have anything to lose.

I was beginning to upload my files. I thought that first, I'd upgrade Wordpress to the new version (2.2.2). I had a bit of difficulty with the database back-ups, file back-ups, and uploading, due to my internet cutting out multiple times (i've had problems with my net over this past week). After this very time consuming process, I had begun to upgrade Wordpress, and upload the files to the new server. When it came time to upload the database back-ups into CPanel, I actually had to do it manually (through PHPMyAdmin), since the other method (I usually use) failed to completely upload the database, and kept corrupting it. URGH.

Something told me from here that "something was fishy", only I kept going...

Before I move on, I must mention that the Interface of "my new cpanel" was sexually appealing. OMG. It was freakin' gorgeous.

Ok, enough about that.

I had finished doing Wordpress's thing. I decided to take a break for a bit, and start setting up an account for Daniel's (sexualdan ) domain, since I'm planning on hosting him for FREE -- being the wonderful friend that I am. Just as I hit okay, it kept requesting my login again, and again... and denying access. I'm like, "WTF".

It turns out, the whole server went down.

Why? It seems as if the "company" I that had purchased from had changed the servers, ran, took all of Alex's earned money, ran, kicked him out, and refused to give him a heads up.

Basically, I was scammed. Oh yes, I was pretty pissed off.

Wasn't really Alex's fault, either, more-so these people who he works for. Alex offered to share his reseller with me, only I had denied, simply because I had PAID for my OWN PRIVATE reseller, not to SHARE WITH anyone.

So, my next step? Well, I wasn't going to let myself lose this money that I had waited days for, and worked for. I decided to log into PayPal to file a claim against these fucking son of bitches who stole my money, and ran.

And, what do I find?

I have been REFUNDED! Haha. Pwned.

So yes. I'm very pissed off. Why?

1) Because, I had wasted an entire day for nothing.
2) I'm right back to where I started.
3) I don't know WHO to trust anymore.
4) I JUST WANT MY WEBSITE BACK UP ALREADY!!! AND DAN (sexualdan ) DOES TOO!
5) I GOT MYSELF WORKED UP OVER NOTHING!!
6) I HATE SCAMS!
7) I could have already been done by now, but NOOOOOOO!!!

I just thought I'd post this to give you a heads up.

Any suggestions on RELIABLE & AFFORDABLE RESELLER PLANS!? Please, let me know. Help a poor "hostless" girl out. Thanks!

Hopefully, my site is back soon... =/ Sorry for the inconvenience folks.

Like I said in my voice post, I'm in the process of moving hosts (for my website) shortly.

I gave in, and decided to transfer money from my bank account. I did enough to cover at least the next 3-4 months, so I don't have to continue withdrawing each month. I've also started advertising for $1.50, per month, and I'm thinking of starting some "services", such as wordpress installation, customization, etc. First, I need to learn XHTML validation! That could take awhile. I'm just finding different ways to raise money.

I was thinking of joining Pay Per Post, but it seems too complicated for me, and I'm a bit eerie about using my SSN online, as I've nearly had a scare with being a victim of identity fraud -- an old woman "accidently" using my SSN, as she transposed two digits. I don't even like filling out job applications, and writing down my SSN. Call me paranoid!

Speaking of jobs... work is really beginning to cut my hours. Such as this next week, I'm only working 14 hours. Sure, I can't complain about having time off, but this has been happening too often, and I can't really afford this! Perhaps, I wouldn't be tight on money, if I didn't have so many of these little shopping sprees!?

This week, I traveled down to the beach for a few days with my mom. It was pretty nice, getting away.

I had other things to say, but they're just not coming to me.

Visit my website: http://lovestoned.nu ... for a more detailed entry.

Now, I better publish this, before my internet goes back out again. It's been so fucked up over these past few days, and knocks me off every few seconds. Grrrr. More a good part of these past few days, I've been mooching off the neighbor next door!

I'm sure that most of you are wondering what has happened with my Website.

To make a long story short. I'm hosted by a very good friend (Matt - Tragic.nu). Due to PayPal's credit card processor being down, he's been unable to pay the reseller bill, therefore the reason why it's been "suspended" (non payment). Not exactly his fault. Shit happens. Hopefully, everything is worked out soon, and things are back up and running again.

My site has been on Hiatus for just a little over a week now. I've missed my blog. Just as I was getting ready to start updating again, this happened.

I've been wanting to blog. I had plans on writing here sooner, such as yesterday, but then LJ was down, due to a power failure at their data center! I swear, the shit never fails. lol.

I put my site on Hiatus, due to the fact that I've lost interest, and needed "time". I wasn't as gone as I thought I was going to be, and after a few days, I've missed my site, but things just got too "crazy". I've been very busy. However, I've had some extra time over these past few days to gather my thoughts. Once it's all back up and running again, I have a big update ahead. I've already started writing it!!

So, let's get on to the reason why I'm writing this post.

I had a conversation with a co-worker on Tuesday afternoon, during my 15 minute break. She's become a very good friend of mine, over these past few months. I'm guessing she's around my moms age, or a little older. There's just something about her that reminds me so much of myself.

She shared some "concerns" she had. One was about the amount of make up I tend to wear, how she doesn't think it's necessary to hide my "natural beauty", and thinks I would look fine without it.

"Anyone who judges you by what you "look like" certainly aren't worth your time"

I have to say that I highly agree with her, and give her a thumbs up. I probably would have said the same thing!

See, my problem is my low self esteem. I'm the kind of person who can't be out in public without my face on. I just don't feel right, I feel "ugly", unnoticed, invisible.

A few years ago, I used to go out without any make up on (I never used to wear it, until last summer), and I could care less what people thought of me. Why have I changed? Why can't it go back to the way it used to be!? Have I gotten ADDICTED to make up? Why do I have to feel this way about myself?

I believe that if anyone really wanted to drag me out of the house without make up on, you'd have to set the house on fire.

Lately, I've also been debating on something.

My Hair - Should I grow it out long(er) again?
But, not too long. When I say long, I don't mean down to my ass. I'm more so talking about down to the center of my back (near the bra strap).

Pros.
You can do more things with it, such as scrunching, curling, etc.
Looks nice.

Cons.
It can be a pain in the ass.
Makes you hot, during the summer.
Harder to take care of.
Takes longer to wash, and dry.
Split ends -- which can be "cured" by getting a trim, every so often.
Tangles.

I'm just not sure. Thinking of just going for it. I can always get it cut.

I'm also thinking of dying, going for a whole different color, and look for this fall. I've also been considering low lights.

Sometimes, I just question myself.

Going down to the beach in a few days. I'm really excited.

Will I ever find "Mr. Right"? Will I ever find someone to love me for who I am, and someone whom I love? Will I ever find someone who will make me smile each day, make me feel warm inside, and makes life worth living? Will I ever find someone who will be the first face I'll see in the morning, and before I go to sleep? Will I ever find someone who I'll get to "hold", cuddle with, and make me feel comfy? I've been very lonely. I wish I had someone special to hold in my arms, and tell me he loves me. I WANT A MAN!!! I'm sick of being single. =(

Add me to Pownce: http://pownce.com/br4ndy/
I'm addicted to the darn thing!
It's quite interesting. I use it as a mini blog.

So much more to say, but you can read a lot of shit there. I've also posted some links, and videos from this past week. Check those out. I'll have a pretty long entry once my site is back again.

See y'all around.

Thanks for all your wishes for Puffy. We both send our love. I'm feeling a little better, still a little sad. I'm just going to treasure the last moments I have with my cat. I hate to see him suffer like this, but he seems to be doing a little better. It's hard to say though, because animals are pretty tolerant when it comes to pain, so he could be "hiding" it from us. He eats a little bit, and has gained some weight, but he's still pretty weak.

The carnival has been this week. I went with my friend Alyson on Tuesday. Purchased a "mega pass" (week pass), thinking I'd be going more often then I did. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to go. I basically blew 30 bucks on nothing. That kind of sucks, big time.

I would have liked to go on Thursday, but after the appointment to the vet, and hearing the bad news, that was out of the question. I had plans on going up Friday (tonight), but I was called into work (more about that in a bit). I'm not sure what's going on with my Aunt. We were going to take Samantha (my little cousin; her daughter) over, but I haven't heard anything. Hopefully, I'll be able to go up on Saturday (tonight) and at least enjoy the last night. Let's hope it doesn't rain, or something else happens.

Work has been pissing me off lately. I wasn't scheduled today (Friday), so I was enjoying an afternoon at home. I had just put a movie in, when my phone rings. It was our store manager (Jeff), even though my availability indicates that I can't work nights, he asked me if I'd be willing to come into work to cover for some girl (Christina) who was involved in a car accident. Since, I didn't really have anything productive to do, I went ahead and said yes. I thought I could use some extra money, and it would help me take my mind off things -- keeping myself busy. Before work, I went to cash my check, which I had gotten the day before, got some grub, then set off to work. It was a short shift, 5:30 to 9:30. Went by kind of laggy at first, but eventually we got busier, and time started to move a bit faster. I had a migraine by the time the night came to a close.

Before work, I was sitting down and looking at some old home movies. I wish there was a way to transfer a VHS tape to my PC, so I could show y'all how cute of a kid I was. lol.

Maybe, I'll have some updates later on.

My heart is so numb.

As I write this, tears are flowing down my cheeks. I'm completely devastated.



A few moments ago, I arrived home from the vet office with my parents, and cat. We didn't get any good news.

My "Puffy", my sweet little baby boy has been diagnosed with Liver Cancer. :(

The reason we took him was because he hasn't been eating, and has dropped about half of his body weight (He's gone from about 15 lbs down to 7 lbs). As soon as we got there, they knew that there was a problem with a liver by the yellowish tint to his skin. He was very temperamental, hissed, and growled a lot. I would be too, if I had someones finger stuck up my ass. They had to throw a blanket over him and put gloves on just for protection.

He has very little hope of surviving very much longer. Surgery was brought up, but we can't put him through that. We can't bare to see him stumble around with feeding tubes, etc. There is very little chance that he would make it through the surgery, since he's already very weak.

We've come up with a very tough decision. Neither of my parents have the heart to put him down. However, I hate to see him "suffer". They're still very surprised with the amount of energy he still has, despite. You can tell he's "trying". He's going downhill, and it's sad to see, but it's a way of life.

We're just going to let nature take its path.

He'll "go" when it's his time. He's an old cat -- nearly 15 years old. There's not much else we can do. It's come to the point where we have to feed him food with a syringe. They donated their time, opinions, special cat food, and the syringe. Even though he refuses to eat a lot of food, he still tries to eat a bit. Every little helps.

I'm feeling enough "pain" now. I can't even imagine (nor do I want to) how I'm going to feel when the day comes.

Yes, I know it's only an animal. Death is a natural thing. What you must understand is that I've had Puffy for a pretty big fraction of my life. I was about 6 or 7, and now I'm 21. I can still remember the day we brought him home as a fluffy little kitten. After awhile, you can't help, but get "attached" to your pets. They become a big part of your life. There's always one thing you have to remember...Nothing lasts forever.

He's had a good life though. I'm sure that when he dies, he'll be happy.

Let me just say that I'm already starting to feel Oprah's pain.

:'[

My poor little Puff ball.

Here's a pretty recent picture of him. Notice how "small" and "boney" he looks? He's gone from 15 lbs down to 7 lbs. He looks a lot different then he did from the above picture.




Pray.

The hardest thing right now is staying strong, especially around my parents. I'm the kind of person who normally keeps the feelings bottled inside. I just don't want to talk to anyone at the moment, nor leave my room.

:'[

VoicePost 380K 1:58

(no transcription available)

Ps. I have a cold, so I'm aware that I sound horrible.

Here's the video that I promised to post -- mentioned on voice post.



LoL. It was a blast.

Check out the other videos on my YouTube. There are also some videos (riding Zipper) from previous years. Those shall keep you entertained for the time being.

I'm single!!

And, it's never felt so damn good.

BTW. Happy Friday the 13th. I'd watch your back, if I were you. =) *giggles*